A Turn of the Screwy
by ChibiMercury
Summary: This is a Gundam Wing/Ronin Warriors crossover. The pilots and the warriors have a similar problem...
1. A Simple Wish

A Turn of the Screwy  
by Chibi Mercury bluechibimercury@hotmail.com  
  
Author's Note:   
Me: Here we have a cross-over of Ronin Warriors and Gundam Wing.  
You: I read the synopsis, dope head.  
Me: Okay, fine. Here's the screwed up tale...wait, one more thing.  
  
Totally Irrelevent Note: Just in case you were wondering, and I'm sure you weren't, the  
title of this fanfic comes from the short story "A Turn of the Screw". Being the literary  
giant you are, I'm sure you'd already figured that out. Anyway, I read it once and hated it.  
I'm pretty sure I'm not going to like this fic either, but what the heck. I've got time to  
waste. Hey, I'll even throw in a disclaimer.  
  
You: Shut up already. I came here for a story, and by Pete, I'm going to get one. hold  
gun to my head  
  
Me: Okay, okay, skip the disclaimer. Everybody knows that I don't own Gundam Wing  
or Ronin Warriors. On with the stupidity. And extreme Relena bashing.  
  
You: Thank you.  
  
******THE POINT OF NO RETURN******  
  
AC 196  
  
Heero walked into the darkened room, where the four other pilots were waiting for him.  
He nodded solumnly to them and took his seat at the round kitchen table.  
  
"Okay, now we can begin," said Quatre. "Any suggestions?"  
  
"I suggest that lover boy over there keeps his promise and pushes her in front of a cement  
truck," remarked Duo.  
  
"You don't think I've tried? Every time, every single time, a civilian has gotten in the  
way," replied Heero.  
  
"So, how many people have you flattened, Heero?" asked Trowa. He made 8 small tally  
marks on a Post-it note.  
  
"36," Heero replied without hesitation. "What do you think we can do? There's just no   
getting rid of her!"  
  
Wufei chose to speak next. "Heero, stop being a weak link and kill her already like the  
accomplished assassin you are!"  
  
"Um, did you just say 'weak link', Wufei?" Duo asked.  
  
Wufei's face turned red. "Weakling! I said weakling!"  
  
Duo laughed so hard he fell of his chair. "Wufei's been watching NBC Mondays again!"  
  
Wufei stood, trying to look manly. "Okay! I can't help it! Anne Robinson is a sexy fox!  
I fantasize about being on the show every night. I dream about taking Anne to a cheap  
motel and showing her m..."  
  
"Stop! Stop! I don't want to hear it!" screamed Quatre, covering his ears.  
  
"A little too much information for me, thank you," remarked Trowa. He made 9 more  
tally marks on the Post-it note.  
  
Heero leaned over to see what Trowa was writing. "What are you doing?"  
  
Quatre answered for him. "He joined a self-help group. Now he has a goal of 40 words  
a day and he gets a gold star at the end of the week."  
  
"Aww, I could have been done for the day, Quatre!" Trowa whined. He made 10 more  
marks on the paper.  
  
"I don't think 'aww' is a word, Trowa," said Duo.  
  
"Shut up," said Trowa. Two more marks on the paper.  
  
"I think he's improving already. I usually just get a look," Duo said.  
  
Heero banged on the table. All heads turned to his direction. "Okay, we're happy for  
Trowa and scared by Wufei. We're getting off the topic, here. How are we going to  
dispose of Relena?" Silence greeted him. Heero buried his head in his hands. "What  
are we going to do? If only she were someone else, anyone else..."  
  
2000 AD, Japan  
  
Ryo walked silently down the dark alley in his street clothes. White Blaze, his faithful  
tiger, followed him like a shadow. They reached the burnt out storage building just as the  
clock struck midnight. Inside, they found the other four boys hanging around the area.  
Cye, Rowan, and Kento sat on anything available. Sage leaned against a file cabinet.  
Ryo found a trunk and sat down. White Blaze sat obediently by his side.   
  
Rowan was the first to speak. "So, any bright ideas?" Crickets chirped a melody in the  
background. "Okay, well, there has to be something we can do! It's not like we can't just  
bump them off, ya know?"   
  
"As much as I'd like to, we can't just blast the kid and have his parents come looking for  
him," remarked Kento, in a blinding moment of intellect.  
  
Ryo noticed Sage still leaning against the file cabinet, arms crossed, head down. "Hey,  
Sage, why don't you come over and sit with us? We can, like, put our heads together."  
  
Sage shook his head rapidly. "No thanks, I'm fine here."  
  
Cye cocked his head in a curious manner. "Why is it you never seem to sit down? You're  
always leaning against something."  
  
"Yeah, I've wondered that too, Sage. Tell us," Rowan said.   
  
"Um, well, I...that is...well...never mind," stuttered Sage. He knew he was doomed.  
  
Kento stood up. "Well, then I'm gonna make you sit with us!" He crossed over to his  
friend and pushed him towards an empty crate. "Now sit!"  
  
"Listen, Kento, don't do this, really..." begged Sage.  
  
"C'mon! Sit down!" Kento pushed down on Sage's shoulders, but to no avail. He kicked  
Sage behind his knees while pushing on his shoulders. Finally, he gave up. "Wow, are   
you on vitamins or steroids or something? That's unnatural!"  
  
Sage faced the group. "Well, it's because of a ligament disease contracted from eating too  
much Raisin Bran. The chemical combination of the bran and the raisins causes the  
ligaments in the knees to become stiff. I'm physically unable to sit."  
  
The group nodded in understanding. "Ohhhhh..."  
  
Sage reassumed his position against the file cabinet. "Anyway, what are we going to do  
about the wench and the brat?"  
  
Ryo stood up somberly. "I don't know. I'd give anything to trade Mia and Yuli for  
someone, anyone, else..."  
  
Suddenly, there is a bright flash of pink light in both times. Traffic lights don't function.  
Computers go blank. VCRs blink "12:00".  
  
Duo blinks in shock. "What the heck is that?"  
  
Heero shrugs. "Got me."  
  
Kento rubs his eyes. "Argh! I can't see!"  
  
"What's happening?" asks Cye to no one in particular.  
  
As the light slowly dissolves back to normality, the Gundam pilots look around in   
amazement.   
  
"Everything looks pretty much the same," Quatre observed.  
  
"Except for that pink glowing area over there," said Wufei, pointing.  
  
The remaining pink light was forming two distinct shapes: one large, one small.  
Eventually, the pilots stood face to face with a young woman and a small boy.  
  
The little boy spoke to the lady. "Mia! I'm scared! Who are those strange men?"  
  
The woman, apparently named Mia, picked up the little boy and held him close.  
"Don't worry Yuli, I'll protect you at great risk to my own safety!"  
  
The pilots exchanged worried glances with each other...  
  
Back in 2000  
  
Cye got the other warriors' attention. "Hey! The pink stuff is forming a person!"  
  
The five young men watched in astonishment as the pink glowing substance slowly  
revealed a young lady of about the same age as them. She faced them, looking regal.  
"I order you to tell me who you are!"  
  
Ryo stepped forward. "We're the Ronin Warriors, lady."  
  
The girl looked appalled. "You are warriors! I shun you! There should be no fighting in  
the world! It is time for everyone to discard all their weapons! And furthermore, you will  
not address me as 'lady', you will address me as 'Her Royal Highness Queen Relena'. And  
I expect a curtsy!"  
  
The warriors faced each other. Rowan thought of a fitting quote. "Be careful what you  
wish for..."  
  
Completed July 9th, 2001 at 12:30 AM. That's right. It's a half hour after midnight and  
I'm sitting here in the illumination of my computer screen. I beg for your pity. Please   
send me something so I'll know I'm still alive. Flames, comments, ideas, whatever.  
Send me Bob Barker's home phone number for all I care. Just e-mail me if you want to.  
bluechibimercury@hotmail.com  
  
Part Two coming soon...  
  



	2. The Struggle of the Gundams

A Turn of the Screwy  
by ChibiMercury bluechibimercury@hotmail.com  
  
Chapter 2: Struggle of the Gundams  
  
Author's Note: Well, you people liked this fic, so I decided to continue it! One person  
claps All right! I have support! This chapter focuses mainly on the Gundam pilots and  
their encounter with Mia and Yuli. Enjoy!  
  
Disclaimer: You know I don't own Gundam Wing or Ronin Warriors. Kudos to the  
writers for getting the idea first. I also don't own Starbucks, NBC, or The Weakest Link.  
  
  
The five Gundam pilots stared mindlessly at the young woman and boy. Not one said a  
thing.   
  
"Mia! I think those funny-looking men are our friends! And you know I'm always right  
since I'm the cute little kid!" exclaimed the hyperactive child.  
  
"Yuli, I think you're on to something. Let's just take a huge risk and bet on the chance  
that you're right!" agreed the woman. They walked towards the Gundam pilots.  
  
"Hello, it's a pleasure to meet you. My name is Mia Koji. I'm a self-proclaimed expert in  
the supernatural and mythical forces."  
  
"Hi! My name is Yuli! I don't know my last name! My parents are coming back  
someday, right? They've only been gone for 6 months! Are they? Are they?"  
  
Duo put a grin on his face. He squatted down to the kid's eye level. Smiling, he said,  
"Kid, statistically speaking, if your parents have been gone for 6 months, they're dead."  
  
"WAAAAHHHH!! Mia, is it true? Tell me, Mia!! Is that why they foreclosed on our  
house and bulldozed it to the ground?" Yuli continued to be hysterical.  
  
"Duo! That was mean! You made the kid cry!" yelled Quatre.  
  
Unable to stop himself, Duo continued his relentless emotional assult. "Well, I hope they  
at least made your house into something decent, like a Starbucks or something."  
  
"WAAAAAHHHH!! I hate coffee!! WAAAAAAHHHH!!"  
  
Wufei was getting angry. "Maxwell! That's enough! That kid is making my ears ring!"  
  
Mia was trying to calm Yuli down. "Yuli, Yuli, if your parents went bye-bye, I would tell  
you," she said soothingly.  
  
Duo looked Yuli square in the eye. "Don't listen to that broad, kid. Here, I'll tell you a  
secret. I'm the God of Death and I know who's dead and who's not. Now, who are you  
going to trust?"  
  
Heero pulled out his gun and pointed it at Duo's head. "Duo. Shut up."  
  
"Awww, Heero, c'mon, I was just having a little fun..." Heero cocked the gun. "Okay,  
okay..." Duo relented.  
  
By this time, Yuli had forgotten was he was crying about. His short attention span led him  
to where the Gundams were stored.  
  
"Wow! Look at the huge Mega Zords!"  
  
A person silently advanced on him. "First of all, this isn't Power Rangers. It's Gundam  
Wing. Second, they're called Gundams. Third, how did you get in here?"  
  
Yuli spun around to see his follower. "Hey, it's you! The only guy with his hair on  
backwards!"  
  
"It's not on backwards. You'd be surprised how much easier it makes walking the high  
wire. Now answer my question."  
  
"I don't know. I'm the kid. I get to know ALL the secret identities of everyone I meet!  
It's the law!"  
  
"I see," said Trowa. "Well, blab to anyone just ONCE about this base and you'll be under  
my Gundam's 3-ton foot. Understand?"  
  
Quatre walked into the Gundam storage area. "Hey Trowa, what are you doing?"  
  
Trowa spoke as he walked past Quatre and out the door. "Talking. I'm done for today  
and half of tomorrow."  
  
Quatre sighed. Suddenly, the alarm in all five Gundams began to ring. As he climbed to  
Sandrock, the other four pilots ran in, followed by Mia.   
  
Mia shouted above the noise. "What is that awful racket? It's bad for your hearing!"  
  
Wufei shouted back. "Shut up, woman. I want to get this over with quick. It's almost  
time for my show."  
  
"And we know you couldn't bear missing a single minute of your sweet, sweet Anne."  
replied Duo.  
  
The five Gundams advanced into the barren plain. They saw the mobile troops marching  
towards them. Mia and Yuli had followed them out. As soon as the troops were in range,  
the fight began. Things were going well for the Gundams, then a beam rifle knocked  
DeathScythe down.   
  
Yuli ran out into the battlefield. "No! Don't hurt him anymore! Please be all right!"  
  
Mia ran after him. "No, not Yuli! Take me instead!"  
  
Quatre yelled as a mobile suit began to take aim at them. "Get out of the way!" Sandrock  
dove in the way of the blast, protecting the two.   
  
Deathscythe stood up with only a few scratches. "Geez, one little hit and the weirdos flip  
out. Are you okay, Quatre?"  
  
"I've been better," came a static-filled response. The blast had severely damaged  
Sandrock's right arm and side.  
  
Stupid civilians, always getting in the way. thought Wufei. We could be back by now,  
and I could be watching Anne. Oh, Anne, my sweetcakes, I'm coming, just wait for me,  
sugar baby. But no. These two stupid people have to interfere and screw everything up.  
  
After the fight, the Gundam pilots were seated around a TV, watching The Weakest Link.  
Every ten minutes Quatre had to get more paper towels to wipe Wufei's drool off the  
screen.   
  
"Geez Wufei, why don't you just get a room with a TV and call it good?"  
  
"Shut up, Maxwell. You're drowning out her perfect voice with your inane blabbering."  
  
Heero looked over at Mia and Yuli. "I would like you to understand one thing. You do  
NOT run into the middle of a battlefield to see if someone is okay. You managed in  
damaging Quatre's suit and making total idiots of yourselves."  
  
Yuli stuck his tongue out at Heero. "I don't hafta do what you say, meanie man!"  
  
Heero pulled out his gun again. "Are you going to shut your trap, or do I have to shut it  
for you?"  
  
  
End of Chapter 2. Completed at 11:26 p.m. on July 11th, 2001.  
  
Well, I hope you enjoyed reading that. Thanks in advance for reviewing! Please send me  
questions, comments, ideas, or proclamations of insanity via e-mail  
bluechibimercury@hotmail.com  
  
Please review! Thank you!   
  



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